Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
