bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
