my phone needs a breathalizer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
