Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
