i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
