evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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