You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
