If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
