I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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