I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
