I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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