dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
