I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
