Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
