two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
