My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Less talking, more tequila
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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