party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
