We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
