It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its liver damage thursday
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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