the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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