"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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