Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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