That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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