so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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