I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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