I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
