we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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