"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
