I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize