I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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