is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
