i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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