Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
