So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
