Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
