I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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