Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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