When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
