There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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