STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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