and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize