You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
