Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
