I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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