dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
