"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
