We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
