the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're like the curious george of whores
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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