i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
