I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
