And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
