Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just pee around me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
