Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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