Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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