I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
