I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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