I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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