Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize