I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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