i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
