My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
