apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
