Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
