put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
