this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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