I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
